My life in a Nutshell
by JetfireSkyfire
Summary: Ever since I was born, I had no idea that my big brother Dillon hated me. It wasn't until I was six that I found out the truth and since that day, I haven't been myself. My other brothers worry that I might end up dead because of it. The other three are from England, Scotland and Wales. Dillon is from Ireland.
1. Why can't you see what you're doing?

"_That dumbass isn't my younger brother! He's a mistake that shouldn't have been born!"_

That was the last thing I heard my brother shout before he ran off in anger.

This left me in tears because what he said hurt beyond belief.

It's been two years since I last saw Dillon.

My name is Emmet Kirkland and I'm eight years old.

I'm from Belfast, Northern Ireland, and I have three older brothers, excluding the one who wants nothing to do with me.

Normally I would be bouncing off the walls with energy and be asking people to play with me but since that day, I've been withdrawn, silent, and tired looking.

Arthur, Howell, and Allistor have been worried about me since then but I simply refuse to say anything when they ask what's wrong.

If only they knew how I felt….

Then maybe they'll understand the way I am.

* * *

I lied on my side in my bed, sniffling because of a cold that I'd contracted.

Howell came in to check on me, to see why I hadn't gotten up yet.

"Hey Emmet, is everything alright?" He asked in his usual Welsh accent.

All I did was sniffle, cough, and burr myself further under my covers.

The Welsh male came to stand by me and place a hand on where he believed my shoulder to be.

"You're not sick, are you Emmy?" He asked, using the nickname he'd given me when I was able to talk.

What he got as a response was my nerve-wracked coughing.

His brows creased in worry before he left to most likely find Arthur and Allistor, who were probably arguing over something stupid.

I managed to sit up, but barely.

"Why Dilly? Why must you be so mean to me?" I sobbed and buried my face in my hands.

"All I ever wanted was for you to love me!"

What I hadn't realized is that Howell, Allistor, and Arthur were at my doorway listening to me.

I would've run to my secret hiding place had I not been sick and coughing.

"Emmet," Allistor said, bringing me to look at him out of surprise because I hadn't expected anyone there.

My eyes are bloodshot and my cheeks are stained with tears.

"Is tha' why yer like this?" He asked.

"Because o' whit Dillon said a couple years ago?"

His voice is soft and comforting.

I couldn't bring myself to speak at all, or nod.

Allistor made his way over to me and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"Ye can tell me," Scotty said.

Still, I said nothing.

The auburn haired male made a sound of disappointment.

Both blondes looked at each other before looking back at Allistor and I and walking in.

"You should say something Emmet," Arthur told me.

Unfortunately for them, I didn't say anything but I did sniffle and was sent into a fit of coughing shortly after.

It was then that Allistor picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, causing me to protest by hitting his back with my gloved fists, kick him with socked feet, and shout at the top of my lungs to put me down.

Unluckily, he didn't put me down and instead carried me somewhere I wasn't paying attention to with Arthur and Howell in tow.

I was kicking, hitting, and screaming the entire way there.

All of this stopped when I started coughing up a storm and was sniffling like crazy.

From what I could tell, we were in a different house because I could see the door close out of the corner of my eye.

Where are we?

Why are they doing this?

Couldn't they at least let me get dressed first?

"Dillon, get yer arse down here now!"

I winced at the commanding voice of my eldest brother.

Footsteps…

That's what I heard next before I heard them stop.

They didn't come thumping down the stairs so that let me know that the other didn't come downstairs.

"What t'e bloody 'ell dae ye want ye bloody idiot?" An extremely pissed off Irish accented voice called back.

'We're in Dillon's house!' I screamed in my head.

Allistor put me down in front of him and turned me to where I faced Dillon's direction.

However, Dillon wasn't right there in front of me, but upstairs.

"Listen, Emmet's nae himself. He has nae been like tha' since ye left," He explained.

"We believe tha' if ye come back an' maybe were nicer tae him; maybe he'd go back ae bein' himself."

I could just tell Dillon was rolling his eyes at that.

"Like I want anythin' ta dae wit' t'e li'l shite," Dillon stated crossly.

"'E's bloody useless anyway, jes like t'e rest o' ye."

After he said that, I went elsewhere and ended up finding the room with the piano.

Little did I know, Howell followed me.

Pulling out the piano chair, I sat down and opened the small yet wide door that led to the keys of the piano.

I placed my hands on the keys.

It wasn't until I felt a body right there touching me and saw another set of hands on the keys that I knew Howell had followed me.

Not once did I bother looking up at him.

A few seconds of silence and I started playing the song "If I Die Young" by Michael Henry and Justin Robinett, not The Band Perry.

Howell started playing it as well and after I started singing, he started up as well.

Neither of us noticed three other figures come in and listen to us.

When the song was over, I leaned into Howell and snuggled into him when he placed an arm around me.

This still didn't help my sniffling and coughing.

Nor did it help my grumbling stomach, signaling my hunger.

My hands clutched my stomach when the sound got louder to the point where it sounded like one of Howell's sheep bleating.

This drew a hungered moan from my throat.

A chuckle, then a statement with a Welsh accent.

"Sounds like someone could use something to eat."

Rubbing my stomach, I nodded.

"I'm starving," I said just before my stomach bleated for that reason.

"I can tell."

The two of us stood up and taking my hand, Howell led me to the kitchen and set me in one of the chairs at the table.

Smiling, Howell went and got to cooking.

From where I'm sitting, I could hear bacon and sausage cooking and him cracking open eggs.

It wasn't any better that I could smell it and it only made me hungrier.

Due to the smell, my stomach growled constantly.

Of course, there are other foods he's making but I'm not going to list them.

Sometime later, he set a few plates in front of me, along with a cup of milk.

It's good to know that my brothers care about me…

Just not all of them.

* * *

_I lied there on the ground on my side, Dillon towering over me._

"_An' stay down ye li'l shite," He said._

_I was only three at the time._

_Tears streamed down my face due to the fact that he'd beaten me up and swore at me._

_Getting up, I attempted to run away only to fall flat on my face and start crying out._

"_Damn ei Dillon!" Someone called out in Welsh._

_Looking up, I saw it was Howell that had spoken up and was standing there._

"_Just what the hell do you think you're doing to our youngest brother?"_

_Damn, he didn't look happy, which was unusual because Howell was always so happy._

"_Why does it matter tae ye Howell? He's nothin' useful. All he does is follow me like a pup!"_

"_It matters to me because you just can't accept the fact that Emmet's part of the family!"_

_Oh, Howell's beyond mad._

_With that, Dillon and Howell charged at each other._

_Within moments, neither of them won and both went home, Howell picking me up._

_Once home, Dillon went to his room and slammed his door._

_Howell went and laid me on the couch before he went and cleaned my wounds._

* * *

I hadn't realized how slow I was eating until I realized that the food was gone.

The only thing left was the milk, which I downed quickly before I wiped my mouth with my sleeve and went to find Dillon.

Apparently I hadn't been paying attention because next thing I knew, I was on my rear on the floor.

Looking up, I saw Dillon giving me this look in which I swore only the devil could give.

Allistor, Arthur, and Howell came running when they heard this ear-piercing, blood-curdling scream to see Dillon standing there and me huddled under a table and shaking like a Chihuahua on steroids.

Both blondes went over to me and the older one pulled me out.

They then proceeded to hug me tightly.

In the meantime, Allistor took care of Dillon, to which the redhead just rolled his eyes.

Getting out of Arthur and Howell's grip, I stood there and when Allistor was done talking, I spoke up.

"I hope you go die in the Sahara desert."

This brought looks of surprise to everyone's face as they looked at me to see that I'm staring at Dillon.

"Ever since I could crawl, all I wanted was for you to love me but guess what?"

At this point, my eyes started welling up.

"It only ended up with you getting mad and wanting nothing to do with me. Nothing hurts more than being slapped in the face by the one you love the most. I might as well join the circus since you hate me so much."

With that, I ran off, not to be seen again for however many years.


	2. Forgiveness

It had been six years since I joined the circus.

I was only eight when I left home and joined where I am now.

Of course, I used a fake name to get in, like they did in those TV shows.

The name I used?

Patrick Mac Cathmhaoil.

Reason being because I don't want anyone knowing who I really am.

If they did, I would most likely be sent home and there's no way I'm going home.

Not with Dillon there to most likely spout mean stuff to me at any giving moment when we're near each other.

Anyway, the name of the circus I joined is Boss Genderbender's Awesome Plummeting Band and Handstitched Wackiness Breeze Tale.

Handful, I know but everyone calls it the Breeze Tale Plummeting Band for short.

My role in this circus is the tightrope walker.

Only difference is that I sing and dance while going across the tightrope.

Strange, I know but it's what I'm good at and I like doing this.

Like a lot of circuses, we travel all around but not just in one country, but all over the world.

Today, we're in Belfast, Northern Ireland, my home.

I patiently waited for my turn to come.

Pulling the curtain back, I looked at the plethora of people.

In the crowd, I picked out Allistor, Arthur, and Howell sitting somewhere in the middle and next to each other.

If I'd been honest with myself, I was a bit surprised to see them here.

Then again, I knew they liked the circus and went to whichever one was in town.

This case is the one I just so happened to have joined.

I sighed happily when I didn't see Dillon.

Letting go of the curtain, I went to the ladder that led to the platform for the tightrope.

Once there, I climbed up and stood on the platform, where I was given a microphone, waiting patiently for my turn which wasn't long away from now.

After the performer on the ground was done and gone, the ringmaster's voice rang out through the speakers.

"And now we have Patrick Mac Cathmhaoil, the singing and dancing tightrope walker!"

Lights were shone on me and the music for the song I'd chosen started playing, causing the clapping and cheering died down.

A sigh escaped me and I began my act.

_There's another world inside of me_

_That you may never see_

I took a step forward onto the tightrope after I started singing.

_There are secrets in this life_

_That I can't hide_

With that, I started my dancing, leaving everyone in silent amazement at the fact that I can do this while on a tightrope.

_Somewhere in this darkness_

_There's a light that I can't find_

_Maybe it's too far away_

_Or maybe I'm just blind_

_Or maybe I'm just blind_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_Hold me when I'm scared_

_And love me when I'm gone_

_Everything I am_

_And everything in me_

_Wants to be the one_

_You wanted me to be_

_I'll never let you down_

_Even if I could_

_I'd give up everything_

_If only for your good_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_You can hold me when I'm scared_

_You won't always be there_

_So love me when I'm gone_

_Love me when I'm gone_

_When your education X-Ray_

_Cannot see under my skin_

_I won't tell you a damn thing_

_That I could not tell my friends_

_Roaming through this darkness_

_I'm alive but I'm alone_

_Part of me is fighting this_

_But part of me is gone_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_Hold me when I'm scared_

_And love me when I'm gone_

_Everything I am_

_And everything in me_

_Wants to be the one_

_You wanted me to be_

_I'll never let you down_

_Even if I could_

_I'd give up everything_

_If only for your good_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_You can hold me when I'm scared_

_You won't always be there_

_So love me when I'm gone_

There was an instrumental break after I drew out the word 'gone' and I just kept dancing.

_Or maybe I'm just blind_

More instrumental and dancing.

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_Hold me when I'm scared_

_And love me when I'm gone_

_Everything I am_

_And everything in me_

_Wants to be the one_

_You wanted me to be_

_I'll never let you down_

_Even if I could_

_I'd give up everything_

_If only for your own good_

_So hold me when I'm here_

_Right me when I'm wrong_

_You can hold me when I'm scared_

_You won't always be there_

_So love me when I'm gone_

_Love me when I'm gone_

_Love me when I'm gone_

_When I'm gone_

_When I'm gone_

_When I'm gone_

When the song ended and I stopped dancing, there I was on the other side.

Slowly and surely, I raised my hand in the air, curling it into a fist and lowering my head.

The crowd was in an uproar shortly after.

It was then that I knew the crowd loved my act.

I climbed down the nearby ladder when the light was off me and on the ringmaster now.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, I was off and on my way to my section in the area where everyone gets ready before the show.

A couple people who'd gone before me came up to me.

"Hey Patrick," The female said, causing me to look at the two.

Of course, I had to look up due to my height.

"Yeah Barabal?" I asked.

"Whit ye did oot there was great," She said in her usual Scottish accent.

If anyone asks, no she's not a Kirkland.

I would know by now if she was.

"Thanks," I said, not an expression on my face.

Barabal smiled and nodded.

Sometime later, everyone was cleaning up so we could get on the road in a little bit.

What I didn't notice was that there were three people coming up behind me.

That is, until one of them called out.

"Hey, redhead."

I froze when I heard the voice.

The familiar _English_ voice to say the least.

I didn't bother looking at them and made my voice deeper so they wouldn't recognize me.

"Who, me?"

Like they would recognize my voice anyway.

"Yeah, you," Arthur said.

"Is it alright if we talk to you for a moment before you leave?"

"Oh, um, sure," I said and went to packing.

"What you did out there reminds us of what happened with our youngest brother six years ago," Said the one with the Welsh accent, Howell.

"Oh? How so?"

After I'd filled the box I was packing, I closed it and pulled it onto my shoulder and walked to our truck with my brothers in tow.

"Well, he ran away after saying somethin' tae our other brother, Dillon," Allistor said.

"He was nae happy wit' te fact tha' Dillon hated him. 'M sure he still is unhappy wit' it, where'er he may be."

"What did he say to this Dillon person?" I asked, though I knew fully what I'd said.

They explained it to me as I put the box I was carrying into the truck.

I stood there for a while after they finished telling what happened, for tears started streaming down my face though the others didn't know it because they couldn't see my face.

Of course, they waited patiently for me to say something.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I responded with, "Maybe he wanted time to let the damage heal and for Dillon to realize just what he was feeling."

It was silent for a moment as what I said sunk in.

"Ok, thanks," Howell said quietly before I heard three sets of footsteps receding.

However, one of them stopped and came back.

"One question, where will your circus be performing next?"

That English accent…

"Dublin, Ireland," I said just loud enough for him to hear.

"Thanks."

There he goes again, running to catch up to Allistor and Howell.

They had yet to find out that I'm the person who ran away from home.

Once I didn't hear their footsteps, I got off the truck and a couple others packed their stuff into it and we all got into our respective trucks and were on our way to Dublin, Ireland.

Sure, it may have seemed like forever but we did get to Dublin after a while.

I was one of the first ones to go after we set up and sold tickets.

Before my turn, I looked out at the crowd and one person drew my attention.

One I hadn't seen in six years.

"Big brot'er…" I whispered.

At my turn, I climbed the ladder and stood on the platform.

The Fall out Boy song "Thanks for the Memories" played and I started doing what I do best, singing, dancing, and going across the tightrope.

When I was about halfway across the tightrope though, something went wrong and I found myself holding onto it and struggling to pull myself back up.

Seeing the situation I'm in, I was full on panicking at this point.

There were also gasps of surprise from the crowd.

Not really able to do anything else, I screamed for help.

"Someone help me! Please!"

Looking to my left, I saw no one climbing the ladder but when I looked to the right, I saw Dillon making his way up the ladder.

After Dillon made it to the platform, he carefully made his way to me and held out a hand once he made it to me.

I then slowly took a hand off the tightrope and reached for the hand outstretched to me.

We just barely managed to get a hold of each other's hand when he pulled me up to carry me bridal style back the way he came.

By the time we got back to the ground, I was clutching him tightly, had my face buried in his chest, and was shaking slightly.

"E'eryt'in's alright Pat, I got ye," I heard Dillon say softly.

I looked up at Dillon, fear written on my face.

Upon seeing my face, Dillon's eyes widened.

"E-Emmet?" He stuttered.

Smiling sheepishly, I nodded slightly.

"Ne'er thought ye'd keep yer word on joining t'e circus," Dillon told me.

Sighing, I looked out of the corner of my eye.

"Yeah, well, I didnae want tae live in a world where all you did was hurt an' hate me," I told him.

It's just a good thing that no one can hear us due to the act that's going on at the moment.

A sigh escaped Dillon.

"Listen, I've been thinkin' about what ye said eight years ago," He admitted.

I looked up at him.

"Ye have?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I have."

Now it's his turn to look out the corner of his eyes.

"Tae be honest, I realized t'at I was bein' unfair tae ye. I'm sorry. Fer e'eryt'in'."

"Ye mean it big brot'er?"

He nods.

With that, I hugged him tightly.

"Is breá liom tú," I said to him.

Dillon, of course, held me close.

From this point on, Dillon and I would be working on mending our relationship.

It might take a while, but I know we can do it.

"Is breá liom tú ró Emmet," Dillon said after a while.

This made me smile and snuggle into him.

At least now I know _all_ my brothers are there for me.

We won't give up and we won't go away.

Why

Because we're brothers and it's what we do.

Nothing's ever going to change that about any of us.

"I'm goin' tae talk tae te boss o' t'is circus," Dillon said.

I blinked.

"Alright.

He then carried me to go talk with my boss.


	3. Big Brother Joins The Circus

I stared at my boss from my position standing in front of Dillon.

"So, you wish to join this circus because your little brother's in it?" He asked.

Dillon nodded and responded with, "T'at's correct sir."

"And what would your name be?" The boss asked.

"Blaine Mac Cathmhaoil," Dillon said.

The boss was writing some stuff down.

"Are you sure you're not his father? You do seem the appropriate age for it."

Dillon nodded.

"Yes I'm sure. Why would a 25 year old be t'e parent o' a 14 year old?"

That set my boss off guard.

"Good question."

I heard Dillon's phone go off, signaling he'd received a message, and knowing that there should be no distractions, I took his phone.

What Dillon didn't know is that I know the password on his phone.

I typed in _potatofamine _and got into the phone.

As they were talking, I looked through Dillon's messages and saw what he's been talking about and who he'd been talking to.

It was then that I came across a text group between Dillon, Howell, Arthur, and Allistor.

There was an unread message in the group.

Curious, I went to the group and saw that Arthur had sent a video along with a message saying: _Caught this at the circus earlier and thought you guys would want it._

After a while, they were done talking.

"Well, Blaine. You got the job."

Dillon smiled, nodded, and said, "T'ank you sir."

Looking at Dillon, I poked his abdomen.

He looked down at me.

"Yes?"

It was then that I showed him the message on his phone.

Of course, he was confused as how I got into his phone but read the message nonetheless.

Curious, he touched the video and it started playing.

The video was of when we were in Belfast and I was singing and dancing to the song "When I'm Gone" by 3 Doors Down.

Not to mention, my, er, our boss came to stand by Dillon and watch the video with us.

"That was from earlier today," He said.

I nodded at that for it was true.

When the song was over, I handed Dillon his phone, to which he took it and gave me a look.

"How did ye know me password?" He asked me.

"No one knows me password."

I raised an eyebrow.

"We're from t'e one 'n only potato country out t'ere 'n we jes so happen tae be standin' in t'e country itself," I responded.

Dillon stared at me like I was crazy.

"Fair enough reason," He said.

I smiled at that and latched myself to my big brother.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me.

This made me smile more.

It was nice being hugged by Dillon…

Not to mention the first time ever.

After a moment, we let go and everyone packed up their things for we're on the road again.

In the truck, I showed Dillon around.

He was amazed with what all is in the truck.

Karaoke games, television, game consoles, bunk beds, you name it.

I ended the tour with where my room is.

"'N t'is is where I'm stayin," I said and opened the door that led to my room.

His eyes widened and jaw dropped at what he saw.

My room is pretty big and I've even got a king sized bed.

"T'ere's no ot'er room fer ye to stay so looks like ye'll be stayin' wit' me," I told him.

Dillon shrugged it off.

"No worries. I could get used ta t'is."

We did some more shows and when it got dark, we found a parking spot and stayed there for the night.

I poked my head out of the bathroom before brushing my teeth and had to cover my mouth and nose so I didn't get a nosebleed and pulled my head back in.

It's not that there was a bad smell or anything; it's just that I'd seen Dillon without his shirt on.

After closing the door, I huddled into a corner and curled up.

Why am I doing this?

Is there something wrong with me?

No; there couldn't be.

Last I checked, I didn't find myself falling this hard for someone of the same sex as me.

There was a knock at the door.

"Are ye in t'ere brot'er?" Dillon called.

_Oh shite… _I repeatedly thought as I felt something drip from my nose.

Why must my mind hear his voice in a sexy manner?

Uncovering my mouth and nose, I looked at my hand to find red.

Speaking in a slightly shaky voice, I responded with, "Yeah. I am."

"Ye alrig't in t'ere? Ye sound a bit shaky."

"I t'ink t'ere mig't be somet'in' wrong wit' me," I told him.

It was then that the door opened and I saw Dillon look at me.

Unfortunately, the situation didn't help and my nose started bleeding at a faster pace.

My brother got some tissues, came over to me, knelt down, stuffed them up my nose, and tilted my head slightly back.

"What's wrong wit' ye bro?" He asked me.

"Fer t'e longest o' time I t'oug't I was into females, but when I saw ye wit'out a shirt on…"

I didn't finish the sentence for I felt he'd know what I meant.

"Oh, yeah. I know what yer sayin'. Ye t'oug't ye were straig't but found ta be gay."

I looked at him like he was crazy, but then again, he's not the one in love with his brother.

For all I know, he could be but would rather not say so.

"When yer nose isn't bleedin', brush yer teeth 'n' go ta bed," He told me.

"Yes big brot'er," I said before he left.

All this and I have no idea if he feels the same way about me.

Sometime later, my nose had stopped bleeding so I brushed my teeth and when I finished, I went and climbed in bed.

Not shortly after, the lights were off and someone climbed into bed with me.

I'd assumed it was Dillon because he was the one sharing the room with me now.

That and I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

A hum escaped me when the arms found their way around me.

That morning, when I woke up, I looked over at Dillon and saw him still sleeping.

His arms were still around me as well.

I noticed that he was sweating and that his face was a pinkish color.

Curious, I placed a hand on his forehead.

Sure enough, it felt like he was burning up.

"Big brot'er," I said and gently shook him to try and wake him.

He groaned lightly and opened his eyes blearily.

"What is it?" He asked, voice somewhat hoarse.

"Ye feeling alrig't?" I asked.

Another groan before he responded.

"N-nae."

When I tried to sit up, he pulled me back down.

"Come on Dillon. I ha'e ta go tell our boss about yer condition," I told him.

Sighing, he let go of me and I got out of bed to make my way to where the boss is.

I knocked on his door and waited for a response.

The door opened to reveal the twenty year old male wearing yellow jeans, a pink tank top, and a red jacket tied around his waist.

His long, black hair was pulled into twin pigtails that were hanging over his shoulders.

"Yeah? What's up?" He asked in his usual American accent.

A sigh escaped me before I spoke.

"I don' t'ink me brother can go on wit' me. He has a fever," I told.

Brown eyes softened as they stared down at me.

"Go take care of your brother. We'll just have to tell the people that you two won't be on until tomorrow."

"Yes Marissa," I said and nodded, going off and told Dillon about what was said.

Yeah, Marissa is the name our boss wants to go by because he actually wants to be a female.

Throughout the course of the day, I took care of Dillon and got him what he asked of me.

By the next day, he was just fine and we were able to go back out there and do our act again.


End file.
